Insidious

Reading today about the plea deal Chris Brown struck, I'm reminded of a little conversation I had with my hair dresser this past week.  Brown and Rhianna were seen at the same basketball game, leading many to speculate that they were getting back together.  My hairdresser brought this up as a Rhianna song came over the radio, saying "She's getting back with him, stupid, stupid girl."

I had been terrified that she would say something like "everyone deserves a second chance" or "it was just one time."  But she didn't.  She said that Rhianna was stupid, which allowed me to relievedly sigh "I know, I'm so sick of hearing that 'he just made a mistake'..."  

In the mirror I saw her shake her head and frown.

"I mean, guys make mistakes, they do ... whatever ... but these two are role models.  They have little kids looking up to them."

And I kept my mouth shut.  I didn't say to this woman, who is a couple years younger than me, that no, guys don't just 'whatever'.  Guys don't just 'make mistakes.'  'Just one time' is one time too many.

I like to think that I was too shocked to know how to properly respond, but I'm afraid that I simply didn't want her to get angry at me and mess up my hair.  And now I'm worried about what insidious falsehood I may have helped to perpetuate.  

Was she speaking from personal experience?  Or for the benefit of another person in the salon?  Is she, or a co-worker struggling to deal with a violent domestic situation?

I don't know, and I've misplaced my chance to have any positive affect on the situation.  Strident declarations that any form of domestic abuse is always cause for ending a relationship probably don't help someone who's fearfully waiting to see if there will be a second time.  I wish I had said something, anything, that would have hinted at all the avenues people have for extricating themselves from such an emotional quagmire ... but even now, days after the fact, I'm not sure what that would be.

I think that everyone knows these things about domestic violence.  That everyone watched the videos in grade school and high school - that everyone had family and friends who reinforced the messages conveyed therein.  But in thinking this, I forget just how damned privileged and hyper-educated I am.  

Confronted with an actual situation, in which I was actually beholden to this woman, to the woman she was protecting, to everyone, to say something - I had no words.